If Not Now, When?

The grace of staying in the question

I woke up early this fall day, as I had been doing for a while, and a lingering question nagged at my mind.

Is today the day?

I’d been asking myself this for weeks. I knew I needed to get in shape, but I hadn’t done anything about it. I hadn’t even started. Every morning the question came, and I’d been saying no. This day was no different.

No, not today.

I want to take some time here. I don’t want to skip ahead and talk about the day I began. I held onto that question for weeks. I’d been following “fitness Twitter,” for a while, and I definitely wanted to get fit, but I didn’t do anything about it.

I want to share that, because you may be that guy right now, thinking about getting fit and going all in but you haven’t begun. If you’ve been thinking about that same question — maybe weeks or even months — you are the one I’m writing to right now and I don’t want to skip it.

I kept saying no. And I kept asking anyway.

I kept listening to the question. I gave it space. And I didn’t condemn myself for it. In maturing in my Faith, I had learned to receive the grace God had for me. So, I held onto the question, and it kept returning, morning after morning. Eventually, the question itself changed.

I remember the morning the question changed. I was standing at the kitchen sink in the early morning, looking out at the yard and trees awash in the morning sun, which was just coming up. That’s when a new question arrived.

If not now, when?

Even then, I didn’t say yes immediately. I carried that one for a while too — still saying “not today,” but something had gotten closer. I eventually answered yes, but before I get there, I’ll need to tell you another, interconnected, story.

During this time, I had gotten a workout program from one of the fitness guys I was following, Mike Donatelli. It wasn’t a full program, just a two-day add-on program for building shoulders. Mike offered it for free, but what drew my attention is I had significant shoulder problems I’d been dealing with for over 20 years. I had reckoned “that’s just how it is, now, and it ain’t getting any better now that I’m older.” I was already in my mid-forties.

When I got the program, I had messaged Mike thanking him for the program and mentioning how a shoulder building program was exactly what I needed. I also gave him my word I’d try it out and let him know how it went. I had every intention of doing just that. Then… I didn’t.

A week later something happened that I didn’t expect at all. Mike messaged me back and asked me how the program was working for me. I still hadn’t started. I didn’t answer him right away. I’d told him I would do it, I had said I’d do it, and I wasn’t going to lie to him — but I didn’t answer him right away either. So the next morning, I finally did the workout. Then I wrote him back and told him straight: I’d just started, that morning, because of his message.

That start didn’t look like much. I did the shoulder program, two days a week, not even a full workout program. But it was more than I was doing. Just two days a week of shoulder work.

I did that for 5 weeks and a couple of amazing things happened. I had created a fitness habit. Those two days became habitual. The other thing was 90% of my shoulder weakness that I had accepted for 20 years either completely went away or was barely noticeable.

I learned the body can heal far more than we give it credit for, when we give the body what it needs to heal. Even things we’ve quietly given up on. Not always, but much more than we tend to think.

After those five weeks, I added one more workout. Just one. I waited until the two-day a week habit was solid before I added anything more. That became three. Three eventually became four. Nowadays I’m routinely doing training runs and workouts on the same day.

But I didn’t start there. I started much smaller. I started with a question and two shoulder workouts a week. Each addition came only after the previous one was genuinely established.

That’s the method. Start small, win big.

But the method isn’t really the point. The point is I kept asking the question even on the mornings I wasn’t ready to answer it. I just stayed in it. Eventually, the answer changed.

Zechariah 4:10 says do not despise these days of small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin.

God is not waiting for you to have it all figured out before He’s interested in what you’re doing. He rejoices to see the work begin.

Not completed. Not perfected. Begun.

God’s grace isn’t only available once you’ve sorted yourself out or gotten serious. His grace exists for you before you’ve even begun, and He rejoices in the beginning. He gives grace to the man with the question he’s not ready to answer yet. This same grace rejoices in seeing a man begin a two days a week shoulder program.

So, if you’ve been asking yourself, “Is today the day?” I want you to know this. The fact that you keep asking is not failure. You haven’t proven you’re the kind of man who can’t follow through. You’re still in the question. And that matters. It’s part of the process.

Give yourself the grace to stay in the question. Not the grace to quit but the grace to keep asking. Learn to leave the question open before it’s time to answer. Maybe it’s just not yet instead of not ever. The answer changes when you’re ready, and sometimes, you get ready by simply refusing to stop asking. Although, you may also need a plan. I did. You may also need someone checking up on you. I needed that too. Mike just asked and let the question sit with me the way I'd been letting mine sit with God. When I told him I had just started, he celebrated that with me, too. Sometimes that's what a coach is: someone who asks the right question and lets you answer in your own time.

When the day does become today, start small. Embarrassingly small. One walk. Two workouts. Whatever is more than you’re doing now. Something is always better than nothing. Lock that in. You don’t need to add anything until it’s locked in. Then add one thing. Small things done consistently compound.

If you're still asking yourself the question — if you want a first step small enough that you can actually keep your word to yourself — I built one. It's called Foundation, and it's free. Not because it's incomplete, but because the small beginning is the whole point.

Do not despise the small beginning. Rejoice that the work has begun.

If not now, when?

Show Up. Do the Work. — Ronald D. Potts